TOUCHING THE HEM OF HIS GARMENT

It was just about forty-seven years ago when I reached out and "touched the hem of his garment". I was so timid and afraid. Afraid that I had no worth. Afraid that my sin was too great. Afraid that forgiveness was beyond me. The enemy of my soul had me in his grips. I was full of shame and disgrace and he had convinced me that my life was at the point of no return. The natural emotions that comes with being human had long left me. I felt empty and without hope. I had tried everything to heal myself of the guilt that had heaped up within my soul. Guilt from years of sin's destruction. I had sought love in all the wrong places and became vulnerable to the wiles of the enemy. The face of love often turned into the face of evil. I felt the shame of abuse having listened to the voice of the accuser who would speak to me over and over in my mind saying, "This is all your fault!" I believed the lie that told me that if I had only done this or that differently it wouldn't have happened. Even to the point that if I were just uglier I wouldn't attract the wrong attention. I became dead inside. There was no place to go. Love was illusive. Then came Jesus. He walked right into my awareness by His Spirit. I did not understand why this small spark was igniting; why these tears were beginning to flow. I only knew He held the answer to the disease of sin of which I was suffering. Timidly, through the thronging crowd of adversity, I reached out with fear and trembling and "touched the hem of his garment" of love and healing. He turned and faced me. I could feel him. He said, "Daughter: You are loved." "Daughter: You are forgiven." "Daughter: You are clean." "Daughter: Your sins are washed away." "Daughter: The enemy of your soul has been defeated." "Daughter: You have new life." "Daughter: Your Faith has made you whole because you have believed in me." Then he told me I was now on my way to Heaven! Oh, the brightness! Oh, the glory! Oh, the wondrous weightlessness of sin lifted. I had become one with the One who loves me with an everlasting love. A love beyond the comprehension and capability of this world. An unselfish love; a healing love; an understanding love; an unconditional love; a love that lifts you above this world and shines with such radiance it would blind us if we were not given Spiritual eyes. Yes, like the woman spoken of in the Holy Bible, Mark Chapter 5 verses 24 through 34, I knew Jesus was the only way. She pushed through the crowds to "touch the hem of his garment" and he turned to give her so much more than she had expected. After 12 years of a debilitating disease the doctors could not heal, he spoke, "Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace and be healed of your disease." Sin is a disease and rots our soul and robs us from the peace we were intended to have. As we reach out to Jesus, even if our efforts are timid at first, he responds with all the love of the Father in Heaven who loved us so much that he came as the man, Jesus the Christ and gave himself up to death on the Cross and rose from the grave in three days to give us Life Eternal.  That is the culmination of true love!

TOSSED BY THE WIND

I am not sure why it took fifty years for my Baby Boy to finally have a grave marker. It has been so long now that I cannot remember the circumstances that prevented it. Perhaps it was his father and my young age, lack of finances or the pain of it that kept us from it. One thing I do know is that now he will have one. When people walk through the cemetery searching for their loved one's grave they won't just walk over little Allen's plot of land but they will, perhaps gaze down to see that the remains of a sweet little boy lies beneath in a tiny blue casket. They will read the words "See you in Heaven" and "Our love is forever". The only comfort I remember receiving was from my dad as he drove me to that cemetery on a very blustery December day in Southern California. It was in the words he spoke to me, "We know where your baby is." He was meaning "Heaven". I had given birth to this little four pound thirteen ounce baby boy who was quickly whisked away after the doctor restored his breathing. All I could do was lie there and do nothing. I was put in a room in a bed to wait. It was all a blur when the doctor explained the problem with his lungs. The night before he went to Heaven, the nurses came in my room and asked me if I would like to see my baby. They quietly ushered me in to the Nursery and there in the incubator was this perfect little boy receiving all the aid possible to keep him alive. As I put my hand inside, he looked directly into my eyes as I spoke softly, "Mama's here". I was 19 at the time and had a beautiful little two year old girl. I had married at 16 hoping to have a wonderful life as a wife, mother and home maker. That was the dream back then. Little white house with a matching picket fence. I had thought in the beginning that this would heal me from all the horrors of the past, an alcoholic, extremely abusive mother and then another several years with an emotionally abusive step mother. However, circumstances only became worse throughout the years. My life was being "tossed by the wind" of adversity and I was completely out of control. The depression seemed often times unbearable but I know now that there was an unseen hand holding me. That word "Heaven" my dad had spoken was implanted within me as a flicker of light to bring a bit of hope to me that there was more. During my darkest times that small light kept burning to keep me from going off the edge. During the years prior to 1972, I was given to every gusting of the wind. I felt I had no choice but to succumb to every evil blow, every tugging in this direction or that. Sometimes as if I were clawing with virtual bloody fingers to pull myself out of the nightmares and the pain. I wanted desperately to escape but there was no place to go. I was trapped in the darkness within. My little girl was my  blessing but I could see life taking a toll on her as well. Then came another little girl two years after my little boy. I knew her tiny life was being impacted as well by the tossing of the wind. Then came Jesus! The Hero who was always there waiting for the perfect time to rescue this broken, hurting one and bring her out of the abyss. Oh, how indescribable! Oh, how amazing! Oh, how utterly breathtaking when His supernatural, all powerful, demon destroying, darkness shattering, all commanding, sin illuminating love broke through in my heart! I saw it all! He took this bruised, broken, helpless, achingly alone inside young woman and swooped her up and set her on a ROCK immovable. He wiped away every tear, awakened every dead emotion of life, brought joy instead of sorrow, hope instead of despair. Heaven became a solid promise and not just a flicker of hope amidst the darkness. I would absolutely be with my Baby someday! I was now and from that point on not an object to be tossed in the wind of adversity but a Born Again Child of God anchored securely on and in the Rock! Psalm 18:2: "The Lord is MY rock and MY fortress and MY deliverer, MY God, MY rock in whom I take refuge, MY shield and the horn of MY salvation, MY stronghold." Note the emphasis on "MY". I could not say that until Jesus came to dwell in my inmost being by His Holy Spirit. He came to me and I received Him and he gave me the right to become his child. John 1:12. The adversities did not leave. I have gone through many more trials including the death of my parents, other relatives, many friends, dear pets. I have gone through divorce, watching a husband pass from this life to the next. I have faced the diagnosis of lung cancer followed by major surgery for its removal. The difference now is that the JOYS outweigh the sorrows because I am no longer "tossed by the wind" but I am secure in and on the Rock of Christ Jesus with the Eternal Hope of Heaven and knowing I will not only see my Baby Boy there but all those who have said "Yes" to Jesus and His Great Salvation!

FRESHNESS IN THE NEW YEAR AND BEYOND

Of all things, I woke up from a nap in the middle of a “nightmare”. Maybe you would call it a “daymare”. My husband’s phone rang with a wrong number which awakened me. If I had not come back to reality, I was about to enter an emergency room surgery. I had witnessed a horrible accident due to an incident of road rage. A few cars less in front of me and I would have been one in the ER. I was drawn to pray for the individual who had been in the accident. I thought of my grandson as I had witnessed the eighteen-wheeler suspended end to end tipping back and forth on the side railing of the road. It was hanging precariously in the balance. I believe possibly in my dream I was questioning the identity of the victim. Just as I was to step through the large one-windowed doors of the operating room, I was brought to alert by the sudden ringing of the cell phone. Part of me wanted to go back into the dream to find out who it was in that hospital and the other part was thankful to be brought out of it.

This prior experience happened in this season that my heart is seeking more of the Lord. I do not want to settle for the “weak in the Spirit” feeling I am experiencing. I know the Spirit of God is not nor never will be, weak. So, the conclusion is that perhaps I am not pressing in as I could in our relationship. God never backs up; never becomes stale; never becomes lukewarm or apathetic toward us. He is alive as alive can be! Always wanting the fresh; always expressing His love in new ways toward His children. Sometimes it feels like He is actively thinking about and seeking new ways to excite us in His love. He is the Creator and is a creator. What keeps a relationship more alive than when the participants try to come up with new ways to express their love for one another. It keeps things fresh and alive with an adventurous excitement and redirection from the old to the new. Every day we can walk in newness of life! Every day we can be a New Creation in Christ! It doesn’t just happen. It is something we cultivate daily. It takes effort to “present your bodies a living sacrifice” unto the Lord. As we do, the rewards are great! From one degree of Glory to another, He is changing us. I desire in this new year and always to reach forward, to dream big and never lose my vision. There is life in vision. My greatest vision is to become more like Him; to become filled with the fullness of who He is until others see Him and not me. 

“Then the LORD replied: "Write down the revelation and make it plain on tablets so that a herald may run with it. ³For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay.” Habakkuk 2:2&3. Everything will happen according to God’s appointed time. We need to walk close enough to Him to trust Him. As we focus on Him and becoming as the Apostle Paul tells us in Philippians 3:10, “…more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him”. He promises to “know” us and to fulfill all that He has designed us to be in Him. At the proper time and times, He WILL be seen in us. As we endeavor to be “found in Him”, He will be “found in us”. Let it be Lord Jesus! Thy will be done!

Back to my previous dream. I am not a dream interpreter in the least. However, I believe some dreams come to get our attention. Especially the ones we can remember in detail. I believe many lives hang in the balance as the life inside that semi dangling in limbo on the rail between life and disaster. I want to be one of the ones to offer life to those in that position whether they put themselves there or circumstances dictated their dilemma. I want to rush into their “emergency room” directed by the Holy Spirit to render the aid that is so vital to save their lives. I have the answer. I have the power. I have the Savior, Healer, Deliverer contained within my Being! I can pour out into their hearts the very prescription and actually fill it by the Power of His Spirit within me! I have been given the credentials and the commission to “Go into all the World and Preach the Gospel”, to “lay hands on the sick and they will recover”. We who “Believe” and serve the Lord Jesus Christ have been given His Authority to do these things. I am going to ask Him more in days to come, “What do YOU want? What is YOUR will in this situation? What is Your plan?” and ask that He give me ears to hear and eyes to see into His Heart of Hearts to bring His Kingdom, His Will on Earth as it is in Heaven. He is Faithful!

THE GIFT

Most people I have talked with through the years know that Jesus has something to do with Christmas. Whether or not they know him as their personal Savior, they are familiar with the "Baby" Jesus, Joseph and Mary, the stable and the wise men. I love Christmas because to me it is the celebration of the first coming of my Lord to bring salvation to this earth. I realize he probably wasn't born in December. However, that is the day most have chosen to celebrate. I love the colors that surround the holiday. Bright and cheery, not dark and gloomy. Yes, Jesus who was and is God himself, came to this earth to be a Gift to Mankind. God came down from Heaven to "connect". We were originally "disconnected" because of rebellion against God. Rebellion because Adam and Eve thought they could do life a better way than what had been offered. They had a lot of help from God's enemy, Lucifer who himself rebelled against God and His authority. The account is in the book of Genesis if you have never read. The Gift of Jesus goes so far beyond the precious pictures and songs we sing at Christmastime about the baby in a manger. Jesus was the actual "I AM" who became man. He was the container of all that "I AM" is. Let me share some of that Truth spoken by Jesus Himself: "Jesus said to him (Peter), 'I AM the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.'" John 14:6. "I AM the Vine, you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing". John 15:5. "Jesus said to them, 'Truly, truly, I say to you, before Abraham was, I AM (Jesus was there in the beginning of Creation)." John 8:58. That really made the religious leaders angry in those days that he would say he was, in fact, GOD! They picked up stones to throw at him. Any religion that denies that Jesus is God, is false. Jesus said in another place, "Truly, truly (really emphasizing his words are TRUE) I say, 'whoever believes in me has eternal life. I AM the Bread of Life.'" John 6:47 And, in the book of the Revelation of Jesus Christ, he said to John the Apostle: "It is DONE! I AM the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give from the spring of the water of life without payment." Revelation 21:6. There are so many other aspects to the "Gift" we have been given. He is the Way; He is our Healer; He is our Peace; He is our Rock; He is our Fortress: He is our Deliverer! This list goes on and on. How can we limit our vision of all of this to the confines of the body of a tiny baby? But, we can! That tiny baby was all this! However, that tiny baby grew up and became a man and walked this earth bestowing the gift he was to all those he came in contact with and then gave Himself on a cruel, ugly cross, shedding his precious red blood to give us the most indescribable results of the Gift he was and is, the forgiveness of our sins and the free entrance into His Eternal Kingdom! 
He then rose from the grave so that we could follow him in newness of life for now and forever. What an AMAZING, POWERFUL, WONDERFUL, AWESOME,
INCOMPREHENSIBLE, BEAUTIFUL, ALIVE NOW BY THE HOLY SPIRIT IN US Gift is He?! Lift your eyes above the stable this Christmas and look to the Star, The Bright and Morning Star! Take hold through Belief of all that he is and all he has done because of his great love for you. John1:12&13: "But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God." Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! Love to you all!

WHAT DO WE VALUE MOST?

I have read many books in my lifetime. However, my favorites are Autobiographies or Biographies. My husband told me the other day that I am a people lover. I suppose that is true due to the fact that I have my Father's genes. My Father, referring to my Heavenly Father. He is the one who instills love in our hearts for Him as well as His most treasured creation, People. People, because we are the ones who are made in His Image. "Male and Female created He them." Genesis 1:27 and 5:2. We can all be people lovers if we allow His Commandments, to love Him with all our hearts and our neighbors the same, to take root and grow within us. There are many things in this life we value. We take care of the Earth because we value it. We value wealth. We value our homes, our lands, our vehicles, our livestock, our pets (perhaps not in this order). These are all things that serve us. Some of our most valued treasures are  photographs of family members and friends. Why? Because we value those depicted in those photos. In a disaster, most of us would labor desperately to salvage as many as we were able. I have always valued my Bible because I love the Word of God and the Promises that are mine. As I have walked with the Lord through the years I have attempted to do as King David and "hide his words in my heart" by memorizing and meditating on them and speaking them and of them. If I were unable to grab my physical Bible, God's Words would still be with me. Pictures on the other hand would be difficult to re-create. These days, our cell phones, tablets and computers are the keepers of our beloved photos so they would be the first to accompany us in times of emergency. I must say that a few years ago when the flames were licking the outside of the fifth wheel in which I was living, I failed to think of anything else to grab except my little long-haired Chihuahua, Rusty and the hand of my Husband, now in Heaven, to help him down the steps to safety. I was his caregiver at the time. I prayed desperately that the Lord would save my home and he graciously did. For reasons only He knows, that is not always the case. The Bible tells us to "serve one another". In the end, people are most valued. In the World's thinking, which is upside down, the things that serve us, possessions and the like, are the things we seem to value most. In God's thinking, which is RIGHT side up, we are to serve people without expectation of being served in return. We would be nowhere without "one another". I think of the true story in Exodus Chapter 17 when Moses held up his staff to enable the Israelite Army to defeat the Amalekites. When Moses would become weak in this task, his companions, Aaron and Hur would hold his arms up. If his arms dropped, the opposing side would begin to take advantage. I see all of us at times in need of strength from another to continue to walk in Victory. We are not on this earth for "things" but for people. We never know when an act of kindness or a word of encouragement or coming alongside to pray can be the pivotal point needed in someone's life. We were not meant to walk this walk alone. In Christ we are called to be "one" even as God the Father and Jesus the Son are "one". John chapter 17. Another great verse is: "Bear ye one another's burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ." Galatians 6:2. I am a people lover! I love my Brothers and Sisters in Christ and I love those who have yet to come into a saving knowledge of Christ. The Book of Jude tells us to build ourselves up in our most holy Faith and after that to "Be merciful to those who doubt; save others by snatching them from the fire; to others show mercy, mixed with fear-- hating  even the clothing stained by corrupted flesh." Sin is ugly; it is dirty; it is shameful; it stinks; it is repulsive! However the Bible says, "For ALL have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God." Romans 3:23. "If we say we have not sinned, we make Him out to be a liar and His word is not in us." I John 1:10. One way we can hold up the arms of the weak is to encourage them with these words that Jesus Christ, as Lord and Savior, can forgive their sins and cleanse them on their initial receiving of Him and in those times they may fall down during their journey toward Heaven! I John 1:9 was written to Believers: "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." To those who are just beginning their walk and to those who have been walking for many years, I encourage you to reach out and hold up the arms of another and allow them in turn to hold up your arms. As we do this, we will see the enemy of us all, the devil and his tactics fall and fail before us. We are not alone! Encourage one another, pray for one another. Value one another above the earth and it's possessions! It and they will fade away, but the one who overcomes will receive the Crown of Life... Now that IS a possession worth reaching for!

CAST YOUR BURDENS

Have you ever gone fishing? My first experiences were with my dad when I was a little girl. I had my own pole which was shorter that an adult size. My dad was a wonderful fisherman. I loved to watch him stand at the edge of the ocean with this huge pole and reel. He would cast way out over the closest waves. To me it looked like miles. He would fish out of rivers and streams in southern California, catching trout and other species. He began to teach me to cast. Some of you can relate. With me there were the "two foot casts"; there were the "tree branch casts"; there were the "caught in your sweater" casts... all a part of learning. There were the "release the thingamajig too soon casts". Those were the frustrating kind. Determined as I was, I continued to learn so I could please my dad by catching a fish! Through the years I got pretty good at casting and even catching. I fished from piers and used  the "drop cast"... no skills required. Sometimes in our prayer life as in fishing, all we can accomplish is the "drop cast". And that works because God is that close. The scriptures I am thinking of are: "Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved." Psalm 55:22 and "...casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7. When you have experienced a devastating trial such as the loss of your loved ones, your home and belongings as well, having happened to one Husband and Grandpa most recently in California, sometimes all you can do is "drop" that prayer line over the side of the boat or off the pier. At times like that you can feel drained of all spiritual, mental and physical strength and you use what little faith you think you have  and you drop that burden down. Why? Because that God given faith causes you to believe God cares. And he does. When fishing from the shore, I was taught that the farther you could cast, the deeper the waters and the bigger the fish. I became quite proud when I was able to really "get it out there". When casting my burdens on the Lord, I always imagine flinging them as far away from me as possible!  Out into the deepest waters... so far that I can no longer see what is on the end of the line. Luke 5:4 is where Jesus told his disciples to "put out into the deep" and to let down their nets. Whether you are casting from the shore with all your strength or in your wounded state, doing all you can do to just drop it off the pier of your circumstances, the results are still the same... God cares for you and he WILL sustain you. That is His promise to you. The Grandpa I spoke of earlier, in the midst of his great loss, said that he was going to spend his time helping other victims of the horrendous fire that swept through his neighborhood. He cannot help the entire city but he can help those in his personal sphere. There is no way but by the Grace of God that we can cast our own burdens on Him and then turn around and lift the burdens of our neighbor. I will end with this: Isaiah 43:1-3 teaches us that no matter what we go through in the physical, no matter how impacting the trial, we will not be destroyed Spiritually. Whether we pass through the fires or the rivers... he is our Savior and he tells us "not to fear" for he is with us and will bring us through to the end. So we must cast our burdens on Him, "So that we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18. We may lose all we have in this life but another life is coming and if we will but look to Jesus, the Author and Finisher of our Faith, he understands and will, at times, give us a glimpse of what's ahead as we "Cast our Care on Him". Look up and be encouraged today my Friends!

"JUST" WHAT?

I have known people who have gotten offended when the word "just" is used in a prayer. For example: "Lord Jesus, 'just' touch my Brother and heal him of this sickness." I want to address my feelings on that word. I believe it actually is quite spiritual in nature when used in prayer. Some synonyms for "just" as an adverb include: exactly, precisely, absolutely, completely, totally, entirely, perfectly, utterly, wholly, thoroughly. So, in light of those, you could pray that same prayer using each of them individually in the place of the word "just". "Lord Jesus, 'precisely' touch my Brother and heal him of this sickness." or "Lord Jesus, 'perfectly' touch my Brother and heal him of this sickness." It is basically saying, "Lord, you are perfect in all your ways and in your ability to perform all that your amazing promises provide!" Can't you 'just' feel the victory in that?! Then there is "just" as an adjective. Many times people may describe themselves thusly: "I am 'just' a wife." "I am 'just' an employee." "I am 'just' a truck driver. As Christians we are called to be all that we can be; to be "perfect as he is perfect" (Matthew 5:48). We know that the Lord is the one who can make us perfect in our relationship to him and in our position in this world as well as our calling to his purposes. We are to do "...all things heartily as unto the Lord" (Colossians 3:23). Only by his perfect work in our lives can we accomplish anything. We are to "...be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith." So, if we are wholly committed to God through Christ, the description of ourselves, i.e. our identity, will reflect the nature of God. Instead of "I am 'just' (only, not worth much, can't do much, poor me) a pilot (not sure why I use that particular example), it should be "I am 'just' (exactly, absolutely, perfectly, entirely, totally) a pilot" who has been gifted by the Creator of the Universe to fly this plane and carry this precious cargo (persons) to their destination while enjoying the beauty of his created sky, sun, moon, stars, earth below. Not many of you may be pilots but you can add your own identity and description of your lot in life. Perhaps, "I am 'just' (only, without my own fulfillment) a caregiver." Instead, "I am 'just' a caregiver (bond servant, example of Christ's selflessness, lover of people, patient, kind, etc.). Hopefully this is inspiring a fresh way to look at the word "just". It is not a negative but a positive. It is not a mediocre, ho-hum adverb or adjective, but one with clout! Therefore, the next time you hear someone use this word in a prayer, instead of focusing on the word itself, focus on the power of our Lord to hear and accomplish. The next time you are tempted to describe yourself or someone else with "just" (as not worth as much as someone else), focus on the fact that you are most valuable to the one who gave His life so that you could be the very best you could be in every circumstance to bring Glory to His Name and make you fully alive  and fulfill his purposes in and through you. No matter what our DNA or Ancestry, each being unique and an integral part of who we are in our flesh and blood identity, we are to be found in Him as I said earlier. It is our Spiritual Identify that will define us for Eternity... "Beloved we are God's children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is." 1 John 3:2 Once again, if you know Christ, continue to look for His appearing. I invite you to Watch and Wait alongside me.